par aimee 🙂

hello saturday! so i just heard this dr. laura craziness that went down this past tuesday hear it here. for those not familiar with dr. laura, she is a radio shrink who gives advice (often bad and from the perspective of an elitist, white, repressed woman). this fateful call came from a caller named jade, a black woman married to a white man who doesn’t defend her against his racist friends and family. dr. laura responded by calling jade “hypersensitive” and saying the n-word a whopping 12 times…. if i could slap a b*! lord i would right about now.

obviously dr. laura was the wrong person to ever get this kind of advice (she could very well be a spokesperson for the klan aka tea party at this point) but the advise is necessary, but from sisters and brothers who do and have experience interracial relationships.

i wish i’d had a support group or something when i chose to date outside of my race and culture, i have had two white lovers, both political and both aware of white-supremacy, and still nothing stopped their little mouths from spewing some of the craziest questions and comments.

exhibit a, b and c: “oh, you’re walking fast, don’t africans walk slow, take their time?” or “i can’t believe you’re from africa, came here and can do all this and that” (the clear undertone being, you’re african, exotic, you should be like this to feed my fucked up fantasy, and you can read??!) but the one that i find inexcusable is “i don’t think this [situation/person etc] is racist”…as if being white for twenty some years gives them any realistic idea of what is and isn’t racist.

i think a lot of youth (teens to twenties) dive into interracial relationships a lot more freely now because society supports this post-racial myths, and if we’re not careful as people of color, we risk falling into relationships with whites who don’t challenge racism, or worse…we won’t challenge racism in our own relationships.

unfortunately i’ve had horrible, painful, experiences with my past white lovers, i’m actually a little traumatized by the whole thing so a white lover isn’t any where in my imaginable future. but my advise to those who do plan on being in an interracial relationship would be to really talk about race and culture so that no assumptions are made about how each of you feel about white-supremacy.

in my case i would say: i don’t tolerate racist jokes, generalizations, false sense of inclusion, culturally strict spaces (basically all white and uninviting), racist friends, racist politics (anti-welfare, anti-black/brown, anti-immigrant politics), and i definitely will not tolerate any attempt to exoticize me, my family or my friends….and it would help if the person read some literature from black and other white authors who are anti-racist (audre lorde, malcom x, angela davis, joel olson, tim wise, ted allen).

just sayin.

Advertisements